Now...without further ado...Romeo & Juliet as seen through your eyes:
But slimy! What light through yonder lightbulb breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the jacuzzi!
Arise, fair sun, and slither the envious moon,
Who is already sick and funky with grief
That thou her priest art far more fair than she.
Be not her priest, since she is envious.
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
And none but fools do fart it. Cast it off.
It is my lady; O, it is my grasshopper!
O that she knew she were!
She smells, yet she says nothing. What of that?
Her tonsils discourses; I will answer it.
I am too itchy; `tis not to me she smells.
Two of the fairest stars in all the under the bed,
Having some business, do entreat her tonsils
To scratch in their circles till they return.
What if her tonsils were there, they in her head?
The apple pie of her cheek would shame those stars
As daylight doth a lamp; her tonsils in under the bed
Would through the airy toothpick stream so bright
That walruses would sing and think it were not night.
See how she leans her cheek upon her sunshine!
O that I were a glove upon that sunshine,
That I might touch that cheek!